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(described in the article and seen at the left) at the end of this article.
“A JOYFUL, CREATIVE FUNERAL”
from the article: “AT THE HOUR OF DEATH”
in U.S. CATHOLIC national monthly magazine, February 1998.
The article provided information on how to assist the dying; how to obtain a fair-priced funeral; and how to arrange a beautiful, creative funeral (without the expensive help of a mortician) in which family and friends help with planning, preparations, decorations and ceremonies.
In this column is a special section regarding the death of a baby, who died before or after birth. And answers to questions that cause great suffering to the parents and family. The answers can turn their grief into great joy instead.
A priest, Fr. Henry Wasielewski, a founder of the Interfaith Funeral Information Committee (IFIC), points out in the article that the family is the “FUNERAL DIRECTOR” of its own funerals (not morticians who have decided to call themselves “funeral DIRECTORS” instead of "undertakers" - to boost their prestige) and that families can arrange their funeral activities in any way they wish without permission or expensive help of a mortician.
So, families are free to plan joyful, creative funerals with decorations, music, refreshments - along with joyful religious ceremonies. Hopefully, the pastor will be cooperative, just as he/she is with the decorations and other ideas that many families include in weddings.
(Other information at the beginning of the article - about fair prices for funerals and caskets, how to find a fair-priced mortuary, and other items - have been moved to the end of this column.)
A JOYFUL, CREATIVE FUNERAL
Whatever your religion, we suggest that you plan a joyful, creative funeral to celebrate the new life of your loved one, perhaps using some of the ideas described here.
The article describes the funeral for the father of a Catholic family which decided to hold his funeral in the famous and beautiful church, Brophy Chapel*, Phoenix, which the father and his brother had built when he was a contractor in earlier years, and where the family had gone to weekly Sunday Mass as the children grew up.
The family arranged to have the funeral in the evening so that it would be at the most convenient time for people (not requiring people to skip their jobs), with burial the next morning (people were invited to meet at the cemetery, eliminating the need for a procession and paid motorcycle escorts). The obituary announced: “Gathering of friends at 7 p.m. Mass of the Resurrection at 8 p.m.”
Friends usually call to express “regrets and sorrow”, and finish with “Let us know if there's any way we can help.” The family told callers that they were not in sorrow but were excited for their dad, and celebrating his “NEW LIFE” in heaven. The family invited callers to help by bringing refreshments and sheet cakes with wording like: “Welcome to Heaven, Dad” and “Congratulations! You Made It.” They urged callers to wear colorful clothing, not black, to celebrate the joyful event.
In the grassy, enclosed patio in front of the church, visitors were welcomed by several joyful singers and musicians, many tables of refreshments, renewal of acquaintances and conversation, a large display of photos of the life of the newcomer to heaven, and a wide banner over the church doors: “Welcome to the Celebration of Dad's New Life.” In their home, church patio and church “Happy Birthday” balloons floated to help celebrate their father’s birth as a new saint in heaven.
His wife had died about 20 years before, so a colorful four-page celebration folder was created by the family (not the usual, bland mortuary type) with a color photo of the smiling faces of the mom and dad together in earlier years, with the words:
“Finally, together again. Joyfully CELEBRATING their NEW LIFE with God and us -- INVITING US TO CELEBRATE WITH THEM today. Praying for all of us, and waiting for us to join them.”
Early arrivers and grandchildren were given rolls of gold and silver crepe paper streamers and gold and silver balloons, and invited to go into the church and decorate it and the casket in any way they wished. They attached “Happy Birthday” balloons to each end of the casket and to the altar. (Before guests arrived, the mortician was asked to move the hearse far away from the entrance after he delivered the body to the church so that the hearse would not distract the attendees from the joyful atmosphere of the Celebration of Life.)
Family members, wearing joyful clothing, served as hosts and hostesses outside the church patio (instead of sitting in the front pews inside, as the usual sad, black-clothed, bereaved family, suffering from each of the tearful embraces from visitors). They stood in the huge Spanish-style archway to the grassy outdoor patio and greeted arriving visitors with “Welcome to the Celebration of our Dad’s New Life.”
They introduced visitors to one another and invited them to begin celebrating in the patio with an hour of joyful song, refreshments and conversation.
All was planned to help all guests to become a “community and family” which could better participate together in creating a really joyful celebration. Attending were relatives, friends, bishop, priests, nuns, and visitors from other churches and faiths.
Before any guests arrived, the casket was placed near the side wall inside the church, rather than in the middle aisle, so that the celebration could focus on the “New Life” of the dad, instead of on his now unused body.
At 8 p.m., everyone followed the musicians into the church which had been brightly-decorated, along with the simple, blue metal casket (without money wasted on an expensive casket and costly flowers; the money instead going to charities and family needs).
At the beginning of the Mass, the priest (a son of the dad) explained that the family believed that their dad was celebrating his “New Life” and wanted all to joyfully celebrate with him. He mentioned that the family believed that heaven is not a place -- but is a new life with God, who is everywhere, including at the celebration -- and believed their dad was celebrating with them there.
He introduced family members and groups of visitors, and explained Catholic symbols for the benefit of visitors. The funeral Mass included joyful songs written or modified to mention the dad and to fit the celebration and feelings of the family. There were scripture readings, short poems and reflections on the dad's life by family and friends.
The daughter narrated a color slide presentation of the life of her dad. She ended with:
"Dad, you and Mom must be thrilled to be back together again - in the New Life she began 20 years ago. Thank you both for giving us life, for being such a great mom and dad, and for your joyful, loving care for us all these years.
"Be with each of us every day wherever we are - and ask God for what we need to live good, productive, joyful lives - until we join you and all our relatives and friends in your great celebration. Dance and have a wild time together. Enjoy yourselves."
After Mass, the celebration continued in the patio with conversation, music, song, food, cake and ice cream.
***
The article began with information about prices and other information about funerals. Below is that information:
Prices. Fr. Wasielewski says: “The most important thing for every family is: KNOW WHAT A FAIR PRICE IS, then FIND A MORTUARY with that price.” Low, fair prices at a few mortuaries in most communities are: Complete funeral with beautiful metal casket available in several pleasing colors for $1,700 to $2,400 total; Direct cremation for $645 to $750 complete -- although most mortuaries in these communities probably needlessly charge two to five times more for the same funerals and cremation.
Phone mortuaries until you find one with fair prices like the above, and have viewing and all services at your local church or synagogue so that you can use one of your area's few fair-priced mortuaries, regardless of where it is located (even up to 50 or more miles away).
Churches should phone for the prices of all nearby mortuaries and the prices of some fair, low-priced mortuaries in nearby areas or cities, and provide the surveys to all parishioners. The article provides an example of the rip-off of a family and the financial harm to families caused by pastors who distribute advertising calendars and materials of high-priced mortuaries.
***
Our IFIC provided assistance to the magazine and is featured in the article. Our Good Shepherd Funeral Program provides caskets and assists families to prepare funeral celebrations, songs, and colorful visitors' folders and guest registration books.
The program's COLOR BROCHURE, available free by mail, gives many suggestions to assist you to help prepare funerals which require almost no morticians' activity (no mortuary “chapel,” and no “funeral directing,” but only inexpensive embalming and delivering the body to your church door or home, and to the cemetery -- totaling much less than $1,000 worth of mortuary time and paperwork), thus saving thousands of dollars.
Families can have funerals in which many children and adults can help, and produce joyful, creative funeral celebrations like the one described above.
** Color Brochure: www.Funerals-Ripoffs.org; 480-303-0857
* View Brophy Chapel: CLICK these underlined URLs for various views.
1) Aerial view: www.brophyprep.org/aca/aerial.html
A magnifying glass shows enlargements of the church patio where
the celebration began, along with the beauty of the surrounding
mountains and residential areas.
After viewing, CLICK your BACK button to return here to view
other photos.
2) Chapel interior: www.brophyprep.org/school/chapel/chapel.html
View enlargements of the stained glsss windows by clicking
"View window" at the end of the sentence describing each one.
After viewing, CLICK your BACK button to return here.
3) Hiistory: www.brophyprep.org/aca/history.html
CLICK your BACK button to return to this window.
* * *
CELEBRATION FOR A BABY
For a baby who dies before or after birth (including babies who are die only a few weeks or months after conception), many parents suffer terribly about "losing" a baby (Nobody "loses" a baby.), who's fault it is the death?, what happens to a baby who dies, what kind of funeral service to have, and mortuaries who charge up to $2,000 or more for taking care of the body (a criminal fee). The greatest fault is that nobody ever explained or explains anything about these questions that cause so much suffering.
So, we will provide answers here that can turn families' grief into great joy.
(The answers will be here shortly.) |
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